Sunlight Through Trees

A not so linear chronicle

Outside Looking In April 28, 2010

Filed under: Two Years — burgerday @ 9:15 pm
Tags: , , ,

Since I was young I always considered myself a spectator of sorts.  Never fully experiencing life, but instead analyzing it, predicting it, from the outside.  Objective accounts.  I felt distant.  Isolated.  Lonely.

This past December I saw myself, or a self from the eyes of a broken self. 

Here I am, a vision of me lying but my consciousness not fixed in any location as one might fix their sense of place with where they can see with their eyes like when I write down these words and see me as the typist.

Instead, my self was fragmented.  This was not the first time.  It was a space I had become all to familiar with.  The mad man. 

But I was lost.  A place I had always been striving to get to, but in so getting, realizing that it was very much like death.  Death of my ego, my judge. 

In such a state unable to communicate, to participate, to love. 

Just able to be lost.

I am running.  Back and forth and I catch glimpses of this face that reminds me of something.  Suddenly I am Cal and my face, there, as a reminder that the Fugue does exist and there is something worth living for.  Come back is what it was saying.  Come back.

That time, I did.


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