Sunlight Through Trees

A not so linear chronicle

Points May 27, 2010

Filed under: Previously Recorded — burgerday @ 12:03 pm
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Points

At my heart.

Makes me little again.

Alternative (super)imposed.

Drawn out with delight.  Closed curtains and fright.  Sleepless night.

Worries that you’ve gone too far… especially theirs.  Cares gone, spent on the trivial, the sabotagueical, the naive and unreasonable.

Railways and bushes and watering holes.

Parade of mad monsters.

Now we meet again.

With what result?

Prayer

 

Non Stop Critical

Filed under: Previously Recorded — burgerday @ 12:01 pm
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Non Stop Critical

Delivered or vanquised.  Somewhere in between.  Beliefs hemsprimprokettles gornoffrise solm jeezuz.  Parts of the bine fie.  Parts of the three.  Boff Boff without for free.

Weks wizard in ways beyond therm’s sparkle.  Beyond the evan of deef.  The hemprokittle jives woxen… upset the portent belief. 

Mornay undid it.  And did it did.  The dine’s one.  The tine’s one.  Rok roxen made streef.  Over western the gable and fable the one.  Beneath purly david’s… box went one box two box went three… fun.

Been dravid and drowned, swept and tangled swollen current found.  Don’t downwind.  Pray hopwind.  Soft whirlwind. 

Mine own.

 

Getting Lost April 28, 2010

Filed under: Two Years — burgerday @ 12:54 pm
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Whether it be a derailment downtown with me in the bushes, hiding, fearing capture or imprisonment. 

Whether it be me, in a dark park, with my bike and my flashlight phone, searching out shadows and making the night dimmer than first found.

Whether it be banging on windows or walls to cast of the demons, cast of the followers, the ones bent on end.

Or whether it be the sad clown of Friday, the whispers, the madness closing in or that which was kept away.

Always

in these spaces

an attempt

to get lost.

 

Going Off April 27, 2010

Filed under: Two Years — burgerday @ 9:04 pm
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After my blood was taken and I sat for some time I was brought back to a small room with a few chairs and waited.  My head was swirling.  Feelings of panic as the all that I was.  And the bells would go off. 

Doom factor engaged.  Peril overload.

It was a risky operation.

And another bell.  Some omnipotent tone to deafen/deaden, me.  Game on and I am going down to my resting place.

 

Missing Details

Filed under: Two Years — burgerday @ 8:28 pm
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I can look back now and see times, days when my world was changed in significant ways.

This was one of those days.

I wake up.  It’s just after 11pm.  There are three policemen at the end of my bed.  They’re asking me questions.  Asking me if I am ok, if I know where I am, if anything has been stolen and if I could get up and have a look around my basement apartment on Indian Road.  I’m startled and unsure.  Wondering why I was even sleeping.  I didn’t remember going to bed. 

I look around but didn’t find anything missing.  The police inform me that my landlady had called the police as there were two strange individuals going in and out of my apartment but I was not with them.  She feared they were burglars and she called the police.  I believed the story then, but what really happened in those moments before my rest are not so certain anymore.  

A life missing details.

This would be the first of many.

The police leave and later I realize my phone and keys were missing.  I found out what happened to my phone, but my keys, well, I never did find them.  And of the two who were thought of as being burglars.  I knew them.  Found one, but never saw the other, ever, again.

Missing details. 

My mom tells me to stop thinking about it.  To give it up.  I just can’t.  My pride too important. 

Or an impending sense of life being a big set-up.  Me being the big joke. 

I’m still in high school. 

Geez.

 

A Haunted Garden

Filed under: Two Years — burgerday @ 4:05 pm
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The reality was I could never rest.  Safety was the perpetual prize, but it simply did not exist.  Not in my space. 

So  I walked.  Attempts to lose myself… getting lost in the city.

It’s early morning and the storm is upon me.  Under trees, between bushes, slipping and sliding about.  The park – my garden, my haven, until the dogs come out.

Onto me.  Trying to track my scent.  Sniff me out.  One final attack. 

I huddle.  Trying to conserve my heat.  Back up  against the wall of some random community/health facility.  I should be inside, but I’m not.  Huddled and I am homeless.  At least in that space for that moment.  My identity mutable.  Beyond repair. 

Shifting… perpetual.

 

Mt. Sinai April 26, 2010

Filed under: Two Years — burgerday @ 6:30 pm
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Seven days later and I’m wondering how much of this is real.  I find myself in the back of an ambulance.  A paramedic faces me and asks me obscure questions.  I answer.  She pauses for several seconds, just watching me with a deadpan expression.  It’s unnerving.  I’m frazzled.  It’s clear.  Distraught and I wonder if this belt could be any tighter.  More projection.  One big “Projection Production” with me, the Star. 

At Mt. Sinai “Emerg” and I am not so certain.  My arms outstretched, trying to feel for some piece of concrete reality, but the reality is clear, but like most air it lacks substance.  I’m scared I’m gonna walk into another wall.  Where is the Goddamn telephone?  It’s all a wild goose chase.

duck, duck, duck,

So I sit and wait and they take my blood and I hate it.  Waiting for the inevitable end which never came.  It never did. 

And each time I simply… don`t… get it.